I’ve been on this Earth in this body for a few decades, and I can honestly say that I still don’t know anything, and neither do the people I encounter. The difference between normal people and myself, is that I can admit that I don’t know what the fuck is going on, and I’m not going to pretend like I do.
Ever since I graduated college, everyone wants to know the same shit: 1. What did I study? 2. Am I going to screw myself into more student loans and get further in my education? And 3. What now? Where am I going? And what is my overall plan?
I’m not a mastermind. I enjoy learning information that crosses my path or peaks my curiosity. However I’ve never had a keen skill in planning my life, unlike some lucky, dreamy bastards in this world. By the way, I’m proud of you lucky bastards for making a path for yourself. I’m more positive than my first paragraphs portray me as. I’m simply tired of not saying what I think.
I’d rather live in a world, where I get to choose my future, no matter how blurry it may be, compared to someone else choosing my success story. When I think about my options in this world, I can’t help but mentally picture myself as a Noni accountant calculating all the possibilities, only to come short on every recalculation. The options I see are not all of the opportunities that are present. One way or another, no matter how many “organic” labels I will choose over others, I’m still scurrying in the same box that I’m trying to get out of.
I hold the words of Bob Marley pretty highly, for many reasons. One, his songs are about love, whether for yourself or another person, how to gain it, and how it’s been lost. The second (because I won’t go any further than two) is because he is highly misunderstood, thanks to his popular correlation with liberating marijuana in my generation. Fuck the weed politics. Bob Marley sang about mental liberation, which helps people like me find a way to internal as well as outer peace in this lifetime, and I take that message to heart every day. And so, to cure myself of depression caused by an unbalanced work-life schedule, an institution without a promising future, and the asshole customers I deal with on a daily basis, I meditate.
Step one to knowing yourself: meditate
When life seems busy, pushy, stressful, or just boring, it’s a great idea to take some time to meditate. There are so many kinds of meditation, so yes, there is a right one out there for you. It’s important to come out of a session feeling more refreshed than you did when you started. As simple as that sounds, it’s all too easy to clog up the brain with a bunch of daily bullshit. A moment of clarity can do way more than you would think.
I typically meditate in the beginning of the day to focus my intentions on the massively vague future I’m optimistic about, and block out a significant amount of garbage that is to cross paths with me. I’m a restaurant manager, which means I’m mostly a garbage woman for human emotions, rather than physical trash. I meditate to dominate those who try to shit on everything they see, typical for a restaurant atmosphere. Then I meditate again after my shift, to release my mind from toxins. Everyone’s mental toxin capacity is different. However most of us are human…or alien..or whatever species exists on this planet. Which means that we’re earth bound– We are thus vulnerable to the toxicity of our own and other beings’ physical…mental…spiritual…GARBAGE.
That being said, clear your mind, and build something new out of the space that you’ve created.
Take Two: Fuck It
After you get in-tuned with a more desireable personal headspace, it’s time to take a good look at yourself and say, “fuck it! I want *BLANK*”. A huge portion of knowing yourself is knowing what you want from yourself. Figure out who you want to be, where you came from, and how you are going to heal and change to get to your dream future identity. Whether you believe destiny drives you, or fate can go fuck itself, you need to know who you are going to be in the end of the day. Figure out your weaknesses and strengths, your standards, your skills (not just the professional ones), you heart wrenching dreams, and what that is going to mean for the YOU that you are creating. Part of the reason why people are limbo of the identity is because they haven’t given themselves solid ground to place significance on themselves. Other reasons can include unforgotten pasts, stress, allowing others to create your identity, and many other factors. Finding yourself, like your purpose, requires work, contemplation, and dedication…to yourself. Being the superhero or antihero to your world is only great if you know that you are it, or are going to become it. The only way to become what you want, is to change what you perceive and do that in every conscious moment. It’s your life! Only you have the potential to value it in a way that shapes your life for the better.
The Mostest!
This may sound silly, but it’s important to believe in something when discovering yourself. From my personal experience, I’ve encountered plenty of people who either have or do not have self value, but have no self image because they see themselves as nothing more than an insignificant floating piece in a galaxy that moves for its own reason. That’s… great and all but…What the FUCK.
I’m not telling you to jump into the next mosque you see. I’m saying believing in something as little as “I Matter” makes a huge difference! Why? You are acknowledging yourself! Thats a big deal! Believe in something that will make you hungry for better, without overwhelming you, or controlling your mind. Believe in something that you can question, reason with, challenge again, and shape yourself with, because understanding yourself means that you’re not always going to be the same. You’re going to change, and you’re going to figure out why, and whether or not you wanted this. Believe in a brighter day, just to smile every once in a while, so the impending thoughts of the human existential crisis doesn’t turn you into a maniac. There’s a lot in this world that can influence you to feel “insane in membrane”. Your own identity, your being, should not be one of those.
Nonna 