I sometimes feel like I’ve chosen the wrong degree.
I’ve spent most of my life listening to what people have to say about myself and my future. They all said the same thing. “Go to college, get an education, maximize your grades, find a job”. But we all know life is not nearly that simple. For instance: Who’s going to take care of you during school? High school is a little easier because as minors, most of us are taken care of. Cool! College rolls around, and life paths split off. Some students will continue to be supported by their guardians. Awesome! Others like myself will have to figure life out the harder way… if they haven’t learned that as yet.
College life is a little interesting to me because I’ve witnessed everyone choose a different path and a different lifestyle, because they knew they are much different than what they were originally told. I’ve known some people who got involved in every club out there to find themselves or a clique to get through college. I’ve found others just give up on everything including their own significance. Personally, I pushed through college, adapting in whatever ways I needed to, learning from the people around me and the paths I decided to walk down. I moved so many times that this system might have destroyed my drivers license had I changed the location every time I packed up and left. No matter what I did, I told myself that I did that for school. And after four years, I made it; and I didn’t know what to do afterwards. By the time that I had graduated college, I realized I spent my entire life being the best me, without even being myself. My grades were great because my work ethic was awesome, because my perseverance was serious. Unfortunately, I focused so hard on school that I forgot about myself.
I didn’t really know what I wanted from myself.
I knew ever since I graduated high school, that my educational system was fucked. I spent so many years learning subjects that barely graze the surface of what could possibly interest me, and what I could see myself doing in the future; yet, everyone expected me to find the subject I’d like to learn the most in college, and make that a career. That made no sense to 18 year old me. I’ve never even seen the world. How could you possibly expect me to know what my place in it would be now? Why should I focus on something now that I might not be passionate about in the future? And I was right. I graduated college, with a specific degree, and said, “for what”. I’d still have to go to more school to really get the jobs I need. I’ve borrowed money to get an education that didn’t even teach me the hardcore skills I needed to truly get somewhere in life. I didn’t have the guidance I needed to decide my future. I had an entire life’s worth of a system that helped me to push through so that I can figure it all out for myself when I finally have the peace of mind to decide for myself.
Yet, I don’t feel hopeless. THAT isn’t in me!
I know everything is for a reason! I know all of this has led me to you; for, it gives me the voice and the advantage to share something that some people in this world have yet to experience, and need to learn from.
Recently, I encountered a lovely woman who told me that I’d figure it out, then… I’d figure it out again. That was the best advice I have ever received, because for once, someone wasn’t telling me what to do. That someone had enough faith to know that I’d make it no matter what path I decide to go down.
So, to all of my people trying to make it out there, no matter what your trials are: It’s okay to not know where you belong. You create yourself, your path, and your future. You need time, space, and energy to really find what you are meant to be for your world. Yes, in the end of the day, we are ALL still trying to figure it out, only to do it all over again.
It’s life. There is no wrong way. The truth is, life is about making the decision for yourself to go somewhere and to do something that is truly YOU. Where you want to go should be from your decision, and your passions. Where you are now, and were before, is in its unique way a step closer to where you want to be.
Your past answers why. Your present answers what now. And your future… awaits.