Relationships aren’t as easy-going as the movies make them out to be. However, they should not be as hard as pushing a boulder uphill. If a relationship causes you more stress than it does happiness, it’s time to rethink what you deserve.
Compromise in a relationship is a necessity.
After talking to a number of people about relationships, I’ve found that individuals leaning more on the feminine side of their being are primarily the ones who will change and adapt numerous times in their relationships, for the comfort of their “other”.
This is not okay.
Some think it is the nature of the female to adapt, and change, while the masculine figure is a creature of habit. While these are prominent traits in each gender, they are not defining aspects of a gender.
An individual person has to be able to balance these lifestyle qualities in order to live an interestingly grounded life. A significant other is not meant to make another person feel whole, as the two are simple halves waiting for the other side. TWO must already be WHOLE in their individual beings! We might have soul mates, twin flames, or even twins. Yet, before we encounter any tribe members, we are what we are.
We are meant to be whole by ourselves!
As I am a woman myself, I am more familiar with the perspectives of other women. Women take on a huge role to change for their lovers. They change their friends, their appearance, their lifestyle, their kinks, their schedule, their money management, and their focus. They get tired of needing to change so much all the time, while their significant other simply adjusts to being around another person.
This should not be.
Women, you are changing so much about yourself that eventually, you will not recognize the person in the mirror. If your significant other can not adapt to who and what you are, or does not want to change with you, you will always feel like you sacrifice more than they do. You deserve to have a significant other that can make the same amount of sacrifices that you do!
Change may be uncomfortable, but change is imminent. We are always changing for ourselves, the people around us, the society that shapes most of us, and the goals we have to fulfill. Women, there is nothing wrong with saying, “I will have this, because I AM this!”
I too made the mistake of sacrificing more than I should have in my relationship. I abandoned my friends. My new friends were my significant other’s friends. I was pressured to change jobs because it made my significant other more comfortable for me to be a graduate with a “decent” job. I always drove to his home, because he didn’t feel at home in mine. I’m not an animal person, but I made his pet, my new animal-child. I cooked and cleaned all the time when we lived together, even when I was dog tired! I didn’t pursue my passions until I lost my job, and even then I was told I wasn’t doing enough for the home. No matter what I changed, it was never enough. After talking to a few women, I realized, I was not the only one going through this.
When our relationship ended, my ex realized what he wasn’t doing. I too realized my own fallacies. It’s funny how much you realize when everything ends. He wanted me back, and finally wanted to change to show me that he can. I knew that he could all along. But I couldn’t make him when I needed it. Deciding to do and be better, is a change one has to make for themselves. Everyone is capable of change.
When I saw just how rapidly my ex can change for the benefit of others, I was angry. I worked so hard to make him comfortable. I would have moved a mountain for him if he needed that. But he only felt the need to do the same when he knew that he’d lost me.
Women…Men ALSO, if you are sacrificing more than you are getting out of your relationship, know that you are worth more. Do not let your significant other feel so comfortable that they won’t move, or change, for you. Everyone is capable of doing it. They have to want to do it.
Relationships require compromise, balance, and care for the self and for the other. No one but yourself can make you whole. Stop treating people better than you would treat yourself. Would they realistically…in any given moment…do the same for you?
WE are interconnected, metaphysical beings. We are true beings of love. Love comes in many, many forms. Yet, love is truly healthy! Do not be fooled by that which is not healthy.
It might be time to rethink, or re-feel what love is.
P.S. I Forgive…you, myself, us.
Nonna 