Setting boundaries can be a little uncomfortable when you’re not used to making them. However, you have been groomed with boundaries all around you! “You can’t get a certain job unless you do this. Don’t put your feet or elbows on the table, it’s rude! You can’t just point out people’s flaws, it makes them feel bad”. It goes on and on…
If you are used to living by the boundaries of the world, why aren’t your boundaries important?
Trick question! Your boundaries are always important! If you have a mind of your own, then you surely have a voice to express it! As you grow up, you take note of what you should and should not have to endure, if not by the influence of those around you, it might as well be from your personal experiences. Making mistakes in your past is not a big deal! We live, breath, and do science based on trial and error. If you find yourself in the same predicament time after time, you’re probably not coming to terms with the internal struggle at hand. That unfortunately leads to the incapability to create boundaries for your next go-around.
Why are your boundaries important?
People make their own boundaries to communicate effectively what is okay, and what is not, as to clarify any confusion in the future. It is a contract between people, things, places, and the self. Every human being has the right to create their own contract. But will they?
Your boundaries are important to sustain a healthy relationship with friends, family, yourself, and partners. Boundaries help you self discipline, so that you can become a better you. Boundaries give you the space that you need to be able to live comfortably. It also helps you to live a life with less chaos, and more empowerment.
Set Your Intentions!
Boundaries must be made in the very beginning so that everyone involved knows how the journey will be! If you were in a room full of people, going to the same destination, I can guarantee that everyone has their own methods for getting there! If you all keep these steps to yourself, creating expectations for one another, you all may find yourselves in a doozy, unable to get to the final destination together. Communicate your expectations! Creating more boundaries along the way is not a bad idea, but be sure to not contradict your initial intentions!
If you’re afraid to set boundaries, you are not giving yourself the respect you deserve. Everyone deserves to receive and give respect, until proven otherwise. The universe will still love and respect you if you don’t reciprocate that to yourself. Unfortunately, such a power tool of progression will not be felt or given at its full super saiyan power if you don’t know what it means to give that to yourself!
I have learned the hard way to create my own boundaries. Struggling with my communication, I found myself backed up in a corner by those who didn’t know what I wanted, and those who didn’t know they were making me feel unsafe. I found in a lot of relationships with family as well as partners that many people were not afraid to share what they wanted from me. Unable and unwilling to make them feel uncomfortable or understanding, I often let them do as they pleased and waited for an “appropriate” response to arise. After my last romantic relationship, I finally got it together. I finally feel deserving of more than what this world has previously offered me. I had to take the initiative to say “no”, “stop”, or “I won’t have this”! Now I know how important it is, and how much MORE respect I will gain from telling someone how it’s going to be from the start!
It’s never too late to learn how to voice your own boundaries. What is important is that you DIRECTLY do it! When I worked at a restaurant, a customer once yelled at me, “what do you WANT us to do?” I realized then even my job, no matter how much servitude was required, needed me to put my foot down!
Setting boundaries will not only open you up to self-empowerment, but will make and mend genuine connections with others. It will help you to be more assertive, more direct, and more of your own boss! You can tame lions with a voice of your own! You simply have to jump into the unknown, and into the uncomfortable in order to know just how comfortably YOU CAN LIVE!
Nonna 