That Moment When…

If you’re reading this, YOU more than likely made a significant impact on at least one person in your life so far. You’re a pretty big deal! To impact the way someone thinks, feels, communicates, or acts is to say the least a single of many reasons why you are here. 

Now think about the people who changed you.  Ponder on the ones that help you smile every day, the ones that always have a piece of guidance with their presence, even the ones who are too goofy to ignore. They help you see the world in a more positive way. They encourage you to carry a piece of them in your personality. And that is how some behavior is created and tweaked! 

Now the same can happen if someone were to negatively impact you, or if you were to burden someone else. The most common way to put a damper on someone’s state of being is by reflecting pain. 

When an individual reflects their pain onto someone, they are first faced with a situation, personality, or a thing that reminds them most closely of a previous experience that led them down a rabbit hole of hell. By pure reaction to their past, one feels entitled enough to repeat or even exaggerate their reaction; but this time it’s towards that “someone” victim. 

When someone reflects their pain onto you, they have no remorse for how they reacted to you, nor how you felt about their reaction. One would excuse their own behavior by explaining how triggered they felt. Still, with no sympathy towards your feelings, this individual will insist on your change in behavior because of a “what if” situation recurring in their future. The victim introduces a new victim, and everyone involved is no better than the moment the situation occurred!

Do you remember all those videos I have warning you against flinging your sack-of-trash emotions to the nearest care bear willing to take you in? WELL, if you’ve ignored my multiple warnings, you are reflecting pain onto someone. 

No time to point fingers!!!

We are all at some point victims. SOMEONE in your life has hurt you because they were hurt by something unrelated to you, and were fearful of you being the object of their fear. Fear can make a lot of people crazy, angry, depressed, and anxious. Seeing as my generation suffers a lot from anxiety, I’m under the assumption that fear isn’t just another Tuesday. Maybe we were born bearing the fear of the generations before us as well.

I’ve had too many instances where someone reflected their pain onto me. From a parent, to an angry coworker, to a jaded ex, I at some point felt like I always had to do something to make sure that person always felt secure. That wasn’t the solution. In my last relationship I gave all that I could to gain the trust I shouldn’t have fought for in the first place! After all, relationships are built on trust.

So heed these words:

If someone NEGATIVELY REACTS to you, and blames their past on it, or compares you to others they have known, walk away from them. They are not upset at you. They are upset at what happened to them, and are unable to move on in that moment. That will NOT be the last time they lash out to you. Save yourself time and energy, and most importantly save your sanity. You have bigger battles to face! *Sassy Snaps*

If you are determined to stick it out for the better, set boundaries! We all want to help those closest to us. But at what cost? Let your agitator know that you have nothing to do with their unresolved past. That is an internal journey they will have to fix for themselves. Here I go, talking about shadow work AGAIN!

Easier said than done, until you learn the difference between reacting and responding. One of my guides taught me that reacting is allowing your emotions to take control of how a situation is handled, while responding is taking the extra step to think about the best way to behave according to the situation, with consideration for the self and those around them. This is very important, as most of us are sensitive beings, and there are too many people in this world to waste energy on one… reactive… SIMPLETON. 

I said it! 

If you are still healing from a past pain, learn to respond to your own triggers instead of lashing out. As a healer I encourage that everyday for myself and my significant other. Some experiences are harder than others, but neither of us got together with the intention of repeating the past. Why should we let the past get in the way of our present? 

You have every bit of strength you need to protect yourself from a pain reflector. You have every ounce of patience to hone and heal the pain inside. It’s time to be a better person not only for yourself, but also the people YOU IMPACT.