Surviving the Romance Swine

Life is hard. Relationships, however, are a tad bit harder because you’re already figuring out the conundrums of life, while intimately working together with one, outside of your many personalities. To those new to the dating game, I’ve come to understand that long term relationships truly take hard work. Please understand that in every beginning of a relationship, despite all the fun, you are to already choose your battles, not allow battles to choose you. 

What does this mean??

Communication of Expectations

The beginning of every relationship is so fun and exciting. Everyday feels like Springtime because you’re in a completely different world. Exploring is fun, questions are edgy and exciting, finding your “deepest” connections are driving that passion truck! And then things get serious and it’s time to talk. From the very beginning, speak and be your truth. Communication is key to creating expectations. So are consistent actions. It’s truly important to talk about who you really are and what expectations you and your “soon to be” significant other have based on the selves. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve told someone from the start that I’m a witch, and the person is totally cool with it because a friend of a friend has a “similar” lifestyle. Months later into a deep relationship the interests are gone and the dude is scared shitless and doesn’t know if he should bring a priest into our relationship. 

Guys or ladies, if your fucking boring and you know it, don’t pretend to be fun. You’ll end up disappointing the person you’re with. Don’t commit yourself to someone fully if you’re not sure that you know YOURSELF as well as the other person completely. It’s tough being in a relationship of empty promises. It’s even worse after discovering that your relationship is unfulfilling because SOMEONE or BOTH PARTIES couldn’t be honest with who they are, what they see themselves doing, and WHY! If you are going to commit to someone, ask yourself why… a lot. Just to make sure you actually like this person.

Do You Vibe Though?

I’m not saying every relationship MUST have a zing, but if you can’t vide with someone, then you’re in for an uphill battle of common goals. To vibe with someone means to connect with them on the planes that you exist in: physical (chemistry), mental (stimulation), emotional (opportunistic), spiritual (do you even exist?) are just some of the main ones. Some people in this world are not spiritual. Are you okay with that? Some people are not emotionally expressive. Are you the same way? Some people are not great in bed. Are you willing to teach them? Vibing is not just about feeling out the inner connection with someone. It’s also about determining whether or not you are adapting to this. Most people do not expect to change for someone once starting a relationship. And if they do change, most of the time, if it is an initial change, and will not last long. KNOW WHOM YOU ARE DATING!

Will They Change?

If you’re patiently waiting for someone to change 1)in order to be in a relationship with them, or 2) in the beginning stages of a relationship… don’t. Run. Don’t look back. And find someone else. People only change if they want to. Sorry guys, being in a relationship is not nearly motivating enough for the common human.

Respect the Hierarchy

Everyone knows that respect is a must in every relationship. If your significant other does not respect you, RUN. If they do, understand the level of respect. Does this person value you as much as you value them on a consistent basis? When you prioritize people in your life, where do you put your partner in your list? Where does this person put you? If you two are not on the same page, it’s not going to be an easy relationship. There might be a lot of give of one end, and not much to take. If you have already figured out where that person puts you, don’t ask why you’re not being treated with the same passion that you provide. You already know. 

Relationships can be like a steady ship out in the sea. The ride can be bumpy, or pretty smooth. Either way, you know you are going to make it to your destination. OR! You can ride a canoe into a couple of storms along the way. Will you make it? That entirely depends on your determination to survive. You want a steady, consistent, on-the-same-page as your intentions kind of mate when forming a relationship; or you might end up losing yourself along the way. Be smart and intuned with their identity. Always ask questions, and make sure your perceptions of one another are always on the same wavelength. Good luck out there, my dear romantics! This is a fickle one for us all.

The Like Minds

Growing up in today’s south has opened my mind to a lot of different outlooks. The most profound one to me is deciding the future as a young millennial. Throughout highschool and college, I did what any scholar did, and worked my ass off for a goal that everyone says is worthwhile. However, I never thought it made sense. I couldn’t see myself have an office job for ten years, no matter the salary. In fact, I couldn’t see myself, anywhere. It’s like every time I envisioned my professional future, I only drew blank cards. I couldn’t see farther than the options everyone offered for my degree, yet I knew there were more. I’ve been feeling very inspired and proud of my generation these last few months as I’ve come to learn that people are making money from modelling, blogging, travelling, taking notes of their lives, writing their thoughts, and creating their own logos for the year like “yolo” “queen” “black lady magic”. I don’t think I’d ever truly be into trends as much as the rest of my generation, but I can say that creativity is of the essence of my dear millennials.

In the south, there’s a lot of tension between millenials and baby boomers today. We millenials are often called lazy with our heads in the clouds. Boomers are often called entitled because millenials don’t have the financial opportunities baby boomers did. The future is a conundrum for all of us because millenials want something greater than industry, but don’t know how to socially fight; baby boomers want power over times that they can no longer progress in. No one seems to care about the generation in between, but I don’t think society minds that. The truth is, it’s not one side against the other. It’s about people being able to stand up for the future we want. My generation wants money and success. But we don’t want office jobs, because we don’t want industry to win. We want to bring back every proud moment in human history and create a grand aesthetic that finally makes sense of what we’ve been lacking for so long… Not discipline. Mental freedom. I want mental freedom. And the key to that is us controlling our state of mind. Some of us have so much on our mind that we don’t have time or energy for things like marriage, children, or picket fences. We like the idea of these things, but not the typical journey along the way. Most of us will work hard for what we want. However millenials will not give themselves up for anything that is only going to suck their being dry. WE don’t want it if we’re going to lose ourselves along the way! We want to rise above it and become better than we were. We want to be healthier, happier, and in control for longer. We want to outlive you Boomers!!! 

Despite the many progressive changes going on, we still have so many flaws, like social media encouraging sex, sex, parties, and more sex, and disguising that as toxic love, and sometimes the only love. Every generation has their own flaws. But changing the path, by changing our minds and coming together is one of many ways to get past these flaws. How many do you see in your generation? And what solutions do you have to offer?

In The Midst of Your Storm

If you’re anything like me, you can foresee bad times ahead like a storm. Yet, when it arrives you’re just as surprised that it’s terrifyingly THUNDERING outside. *Is that a tornado I see?* I like to think that even though we get antsy when things are going so well, patiently awaiting for the next bust, we secretly always anticipate things to be okay, even when they’re not. “It’s going to  turn out okay in the end,” is the world’s most hated quote, because it’s said every time shit goes wrong. Maybe that quote is exactly why we want everything to be fine and dandy.

My point is, state of mind is everything. Perception is reality. That’s why we all have different sides to a story. History is constantly explained through hundreds of books shouting the real (and varying) victors of the worlds we live in. What is the truth? Are bad times in our lives truly bad… or is that how we choose to see it? 

Do you remember those times when you’re running late to work and everything seems to slow you down? The street lights turned red JUST as you made it to the end of the road, and now it’s watching you, mocking you, making you wait TEN minutes as opposed to three. THEN the car in front of you just happens to drive 5 mph UNDER the speed limit in the fastest lane. NOt to mention, you go through unusual traffic! WHAT ARE THE ODDS? WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?

I like to think when situations like that occur, the universe is just trying to tell you to chill out. A calm mind creates a different outlook on the world, and improves your state of mind. Don’t get me wrong; life is still not all that easy. And I’m still pretty suspicious of the amount of road work that goes on when we’re running late. Life is here to test your patience and your clarity just to see how long you can hold it. And that’s a great thing! Because if you are more resilient to the forces that try to push back, they will know you’re not easy to be messed with, and in time, you will become what you’ve worked so hard to be!

In other words, control your state of mind, become resilient of what you no longer want to be, and shape your perception into a stronger, more positive one. The law of attraction is the real deal. You will attract what you give out. You will be tested, and you will conquer. In the end of the day when you feel a storm coming, embrace it. Understand that it is a storm, not the end of your world. You can stay inside and wait it out, or you go outside, dancing naked in its treacherous beauty. As long as you teach yourself that a storm will never destroy you, you will conquer everything in life, even if you haven’t realized it as yet.

Know Thyself

I’ve been on this Earth in this body for a few decades, and I can honestly say that I still don’t know anything, and neither do the people I encounter. The difference between normal people and myself, is that I can admit that I don’t know what the fuck is going on, and I’m not going to pretend like I do. 

Ever since I graduated college, everyone wants to know the same shit: 1. What did I study? 2. Am I going to screw myself into more student loans and get further in my education? And 3. What now? Where am I going? And what is my overall plan?

I’m not a mastermind. I enjoy learning information that crosses my path or peaks my curiosity. However I’ve never had a keen skill in planning my life, unlike some lucky, dreamy bastards in this world. By the way, I’m proud of you lucky bastards for making a path for yourself. I’m more positive than my first paragraphs portray me as. I’m simply tired of not saying what I think.

I’d rather live in a world, where I get to choose my future, no matter how blurry it may be, compared to someone else choosing my success story. When I think about my options in this world, I can’t help but mentally picture myself as a Noni accountant calculating all the possibilities, only to come short on every recalculation. The options I see are not all of the opportunities that are present. One way or another, no matter how many “organic” labels I will choose over others, I’m still scurrying in the same box that I’m trying to get out of.

I hold the words of Bob Marley pretty highly, for many reasons. One, his songs are about love, whether for yourself or  another person, how to gain it, and how it’s been lost. The second (because I won’t go any further than two) is because he is highly misunderstood, thanks to his popular correlation with liberating marijuana in my generation. Fuck the weed politics. Bob Marley sang about mental liberation, which helps people like me find a way to internal as well as outer peace in this lifetime, and I take that message to heart every day. And so, to cure myself of depression caused by an unbalanced work-life schedule, an institution without a promising future, and the asshole customers I deal with on a daily basis, I meditate. 

Step one to knowing yourself: meditate

When life seems busy, pushy, stressful, or just boring, it’s a great idea to take some time to meditate. There are so many kinds of meditation, so yes, there is a right one out there for you. It’s important to come out of a session feeling more refreshed than you did when you started. As simple as that sounds, it’s all too easy to clog up the brain with a bunch of daily bullshit. A moment of clarity can do way more than you would think. 

I typically meditate in the beginning of the day to focus my intentions on the massively vague future I’m optimistic about, and block out a significant amount of garbage that is to cross paths with me. I’m a restaurant manager, which means I’m mostly a garbage woman for human emotions, rather than physical trash. I meditate to dominate those who try to shit on everything they see, typical for a restaurant atmosphere. Then I meditate again after my shift, to release my mind from toxins. Everyone’s mental toxin capacity is different. However most of us are human…or alien..or whatever species exists on this planet. Which means that we’re earth bound– We are thus vulnerable to the toxicity of our own and other beings’ physical…mental…spiritual…GARBAGE.

That being said, clear your mind, and build something new out of the space that you’ve created.

Take Two: Fuck It

After you get in-tuned with a more desireable personal headspace, it’s time to take a good look at yourself and say, “fuck it! I want *BLANK*”. A huge portion of knowing yourself is knowing what you want from yourself. Figure out who you want to be, where you came from, and how you are going to heal and change to get to your dream future identity. Whether you believe destiny drives you, or fate can go fuck itself, you need to know who you are going to be in the end of the day. Figure out your weaknesses and strengths, your standards, your skills (not just the professional ones), you heart wrenching dreams, and what that is going to mean for the YOU that you are creating. Part of the reason why people are limbo of the identity is because they haven’t given themselves solid ground to place significance on themselves. Other reasons can include unforgotten pasts, stress, allowing others to create your identity, and many other factors. Finding yourself, like your purpose, requires work, contemplation, and dedication…to yourself. Being the superhero or antihero to your world is only great if you know that you are it, or are going to become it. The only way to become what you want, is to change what you perceive and do that in every conscious moment. It’s your life! Only you have the potential to value it in a way that shapes your life for the better.

The Mostest!

This may sound silly, but it’s important to believe in something when discovering yourself. From my personal experience, I’ve encountered plenty of people who either have or do not have self value, but have no self image because they see themselves as nothing more than an insignificant floating piece in a galaxy that moves for its own reason. That’s… great and all but…What the FUCK. 

I’m not telling you to jump into the next mosque you see. I’m saying believing in something as little as “I Matter” makes a huge difference! Why? You are acknowledging yourself! Thats a big deal! Believe in something that will make you hungry for better, without overwhelming you, or controlling your mind. Believe in something that you can question, reason with, challenge again, and shape yourself with, because understanding yourself means that you’re not always going to be the same. You’re going to change, and you’re going to figure out why, and whether or not you wanted this. Believe in a brighter day, just to smile every once in a while, so the impending thoughts of the human existential crisis doesn’t turn you into a maniac. There’s a lot in this world that can influence you to feel “insane in membrane”. Your own identity, your being, should not be one of those.