Life is hard. Relationships, however, are a tad bit harder because you’re already figuring out the conundrums of life, while intimately working together with one, outside of your many personalities. To those new to the dating game, I’ve come to understand that long term relationships truly take hard work. Please understand that in every beginning of a relationship, despite all the fun, you are to already choose your battles, not allow battles to choose you.
What does this mean??
Communication of Expectations
The beginning of every relationship is so fun and exciting. Everyday feels like Springtime because you’re in a completely different world. Exploring is fun, questions are edgy and exciting, finding your “deepest” connections are driving that passion truck! And then things get serious and it’s time to talk. From the very beginning, speak and be your truth. Communication is key to creating expectations. So are consistent actions. It’s truly important to talk about who you really are and what expectations you and your “soon to be” significant other have based on the selves. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve told someone from the start that I’m a witch, and the person is totally cool with it because a friend of a friend has a “similar” lifestyle. Months later into a deep relationship the interests are gone and the dude is scared shitless and doesn’t know if he should bring a priest into our relationship.
Guys or ladies, if your fucking boring and you know it, don’t pretend to be fun. You’ll end up disappointing the person you’re with. Don’t commit yourself to someone fully if you’re not sure that you know YOURSELF as well as the other person completely. It’s tough being in a relationship of empty promises. It’s even worse after discovering that your relationship is unfulfilling because SOMEONE or BOTH PARTIES couldn’t be honest with who they are, what they see themselves doing, and WHY! If you are going to commit to someone, ask yourself why… a lot. Just to make sure you actually like this person.
Do You Vibe Though?
I’m not saying every relationship MUST have a zing, but if you can’t vide with someone, then you’re in for an uphill battle of common goals. To vibe with someone means to connect with them on the planes that you exist in: physical (chemistry), mental (stimulation), emotional (opportunistic), spiritual (do you even exist?) are just some of the main ones. Some people in this world are not spiritual. Are you okay with that? Some people are not emotionally expressive. Are you the same way? Some people are not great in bed. Are you willing to teach them? Vibing is not just about feeling out the inner connection with someone. It’s also about determining whether or not you are adapting to this. Most people do not expect to change for someone once starting a relationship. And if they do change, most of the time, if it is an initial change, and will not last long. KNOW WHOM YOU ARE DATING!
Will They Change?
If you’re patiently waiting for someone to change 1)in order to be in a relationship with them, or 2) in the beginning stages of a relationship… don’t. Run. Don’t look back. And find someone else. People only change if they want to. Sorry guys, being in a relationship is not nearly motivating enough for the common human.
Respect the Hierarchy
Everyone knows that respect is a must in every relationship. If your significant other does not respect you, RUN. If they do, understand the level of respect. Does this person value you as much as you value them on a consistent basis? When you prioritize people in your life, where do you put your partner in your list? Where does this person put you? If you two are not on the same page, it’s not going to be an easy relationship. There might be a lot of give of one end, and not much to take. If you have already figured out where that person puts you, don’t ask why you’re not being treated with the same passion that you provide. You already know.
Relationships can be like a steady ship out in the sea. The ride can be bumpy, or pretty smooth. Either way, you know you are going to make it to your destination. OR! You can ride a canoe into a couple of storms along the way. Will you make it? That entirely depends on your determination to survive. You want a steady, consistent, on-the-same-page as your intentions kind of mate when forming a relationship; or you might end up losing yourself along the way. Be smart and intuned with their identity. Always ask questions, and make sure your perceptions of one another are always on the same wavelength. Good luck out there, my dear romantics! This is a fickle one for us all.