What is the Wrong Way?

I sometimes feel like I’ve chosen the wrong degree. 

I’ve spent most of my life listening to what people have to say about myself and my future. They all said the same thing. “Go to college, get an education, maximize your grades, find a job”. But we all know life is not nearly that simple. For instance: Who’s going to take care of you during school? High school is a little easier because as minors, most of us are taken care of. Cool! College rolls around, and life paths split off. Some students will continue to be supported by their guardians. Awesome! Others like myself will have to figure life out the harder way… if they haven’t learned that as yet. 

College life is a little interesting to me because I’ve witnessed everyone choose a different path and a different lifestyle, because they knew they are much different than what they were originally told. I’ve known some people who got involved in every club out there to find themselves or a clique to get through college. I’ve found others just give up on everything including their own significance. Personally, I pushed through college, adapting in whatever ways I needed to, learning from the people around me and the paths I decided to walk down. I moved so many times that this system might have destroyed my drivers license had I changed the location every time I packed up and left. No matter what I did, I told myself that I did that for school. And after four years, I made it; and I didn’t know what to do afterwards. By the time that I had graduated college, I realized I spent my entire life being the best me, without even being myself. My grades were great because my work ethic was awesome, because my perseverance was serious. Unfortunately, I focused so hard on school that I forgot about myself.

I didn’t really know what I wanted from myself.

I knew ever since I graduated high school, that my educational system was fucked. I spent so many years learning subjects that barely graze the surface of what could possibly interest me, and what I could see myself doing in the future; yet, everyone expected me to find the subject I’d like to learn the most in college, and make that a career. That made no sense to 18 year old me. I’ve never even seen the world. How could you possibly expect me to know what my place in it would be now? Why should I focus on something now that I might not be passionate about in the future? And I was right. I graduated college, with a specific degree, and said, “for what”. I’d still have to go to more school to really get the jobs I need. I’ve borrowed money to get an education that didn’t even teach me the hardcore skills I needed to truly get somewhere in life. I didn’t have the guidance I needed to decide my future. I had an entire life’s worth of a system that helped me to push through so that I can figure it all out for myself when I finally have the peace of mind to decide for myself. 

Yet, I don’t feel hopeless. THAT isn’t in me!

I know everything is for a reason! I know all of this has led me to you; for, it gives me the voice and the advantage to share something that some people in this world have yet to experience, and need to learn from. 

Recently, I encountered a lovely woman who told me that I’d figure it out, then… I’d figure it out again. That was the best advice I have ever received, because for once, someone wasn’t telling me what to do. That someone had enough faith to know that I’d make it no matter what path I decide to go down.

So, to all of my people trying to make it out there, no matter what your trials are: It’s okay to not know where you belong. You create yourself, your path, and your future. You need time, space, and energy to really find what you are meant to be for your world. Yes, in the end of the day, we are ALL still trying to figure it out, only to do it all over again. 

It’s life. There is no wrong way. The truth is, life is about making the decision for yourself to go somewhere and to do something that is truly YOU. Where you want to go should be from your decision, and your passions. Where you are now, and were before, is in its unique way a step closer to where you want to be.

Your past answers why. Your present answers what now. And your future… awaits.

Essence of Mortality

I’ve been thinking a lot about my family and friends, as well as the companions I’ve yet to become acquainted with. In fact, I’ve been thinking a lot about mortality as of late. I’m not sure whether I’m feeling the sentiments of the world, or simply realizing there is a time to feel everything to a well-balanced degree. But I do know that mortality is of us all.

This pandemic has made me think about mortality and how much I value so many of you, yet I don’t say it as much as I should. And so, I created this website, and a youtube page to remind you as well as myself that there is always time and energy to be spent telling someone just how important they are.

One of my close friends recently lost a relative. Instead of grieving for her, he and his family celebrated the wonderful impact that this woman made on them. They rejoiced for the time they were able to spend with her, and the lessons, and the love they shared with her. This is the true meaning of acknowledging mortality, in my eyes. 

Yes, grieving is ALWAYS okay! And so is celebrating one for whom they were and what greatness they did, while physically residing amongst us. It is always okay to miss someone that is gone. And it’s also better to let go of them, knowing that you connected with them, in a way that no one else could. Because of that, mortality will never truly separate you from a love that is so uniquely shared.

Think of mortality as a way to get back to the roots of your tribe. WE are your tribe. You all matter to me. You are loved by me… It might mean a little more for me to say this in person, looking through the windows of your soul. But I would hope my words would be sufficient enough to communicate that even mortality will never separate the unfathomed love I have for YOU.

A Creation In the Molding

I’ve always believed that our existence is about becoming more than we have ever been before. In some lives we may backtrack, while in others we thrive. Whatever the tracks we leave, we all know there is something deep in the back of our minds that we are meant to achieve or become; this may be a desire created from our innermost child-self, or an encouraging artifact we “came across” during our lifetime. The reason why I quoted “came across” is because we often encounter the same thing over and over, allowing the idea to seep into our mind until one day, we notice it and think “I’ve seen this before” or “Hmm this is it!”. Either way our journeys are unique and our goals are subliminally introduced to us time and time again for a reason: The Universe is on your side!

The Universe wants you to be your whole self and achieve what you believe in. The first step to the path of accomplishment is acknowledgement. Congrats! You are finally listening to yourself! The next few steps are far more individualized for all of you, so we won’t go into those details. The only things I ask of all you are to be dedicated and patient with yourself and your goals. You must!

YOU ARE A CREATION IN THE MOLDING!

What does that mean?? This phrase means that “perfection” (however you choose to define this) takes time, a lot of energy, a hint of magic, and a crap ton of miracles to manifest something that is unique to your world. It means you are worth the manifestation of something amazing!

 Your goals, accomplishments, and your deepest dreams are not typically an overnight thing. Whether you are aiming to be a better you or do better than you’ve seen yourself do, YOU are on your way there as long as you set your mind to it. It’s time to crack down and focus. This is about you! The Universe wants to help you roundhouse kick that door down and walk in like “YEAH!” However it takes time to create what lies behind the door. While you’re waiting to open it, you’ve got to prepare yourself for this grand scheme. 

That being said, you must initiate the molding of your goals, and life will take care of the rest. You’ve got to stay true to you and your goals, love yourself and the process that you are in. If you’re in a rut, look at the situation from a different perspective. Ask yourself why you’re there and what you are to learn from this. And keep going! Some goals take months, years, or even most of a lifetime to achieve, depending on how powerful of a goal it is, and the roads you take to get there. Either way, YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE IT! You deserve better! Now take it!

Sex is Not Love

Oh love. Being in love and inexperienced with the concept is a beautiful thing! Or a tragic thing… At this point your love story can go in any direction. YOu can grow old with them, and die together like in the notebook. You can break up two years later, because someone needs to move on. Whatever the fate of your relationship, it’s important for any inexperienced lover to understand the foundation of it. And always know:

Sex Does Not Equal Love

I truly feel bad for the generations growing up and learning about life from social media today. Some sources are really useful such as human rights and being environmentally friendly. Others are not as empathetic.

A few months back, my dear old (yet not so old) car decided that my aux system was no longer of use to her. No, I do not have bluetooth. She is a little too old for that. That’s besides the point. Since that day, I’ve spent at least an hour a day listening to the same 15 songs in every radio station played in my city. I’ve come to find, after a cycle of listening, learning, singing along, groaning, singing some more, radio hopping, then accepting the inevitable runaround with these same songs is: that about every song fantasizes a HORRIBLE relationship! And the biggest culprit is SEX!

Don’t get mean wrong, sex is not the problem with people! It is simply the implication of sex in these songs, and the lack thereof knowledge of everything else that forms a relationshipship. Sex is interepretted differently by everyone, which creates different relational dynamics. Two people in one relationship with varying ideas of what their companionship means to each other is a problem.: It can cause people to mistake lust from love if one is not knowledgeable of what love is about. 

Love is about growing with someone as well as the self. It’s about connecting on a unique wavelength. Love is understanding, interpreting, being passionate, being reasonable, finding balance, being your own individual AND having a healthy dynamic with someone. Love is HEALTHY. Sex is also healthy, especially when both parties are EXTREMELYE SATISFIED. But love is not sex, because sex is only one part of a relationship. It is important to look at the whole picture to determine whether you’re in the right place, with the right person.

The big picture is imperative because you want to, at all times, avoid a toxic relationship. I’m not saying that sex creates a toxic relationship, but as a young person that is new to romance and love, one is much more vulnerable and more likley to encounter many toxic relationships before figuring it out- as if this world didn’t already have enough problems!

Being in a toxic relationship defines a number of things going wrong that oftentimes one can not see for themselves. A few examples are: a controlling partner, physical, mental, or emotional abuser, stalker partner, paranoia due to lack of trust or low self confidence, two faced lover, and the list goes on. If your lover makes you feel bad all the time, or most of the time, but the sex is phenomial, therefore you don’t mind their “flaws”… you’re misunderstanding your sexual relationship for love, and you are in a TOXIC RELATIONSHIP.

Most of us, in today’s world, will have encountered at least two toxic relationships in our lives. We learn, and live on, and hopefully try not to make the same mistakes. I hope that you new lovers can seek out red flags from the experiences of those around you, so that you can have a life with a little less pain and self-torture. Please don’t confuse yourself over what you want now and what you deserve. And don’t let anyone tell you they love you for your sex, and not your amazing persona! Don’t let the world fool you. Figure out the deeper meaning to the ideas that are planted in your mind!

If you need to know if you’re in a toxic relationship or want to know more about relational toxicity, send us a message! We are here for you!

Surviving the Romance Swine

Life is hard. Relationships, however, are a tad bit harder because you’re already figuring out the conundrums of life, while intimately working together with one, outside of your many personalities. To those new to the dating game, I’ve come to understand that long term relationships truly take hard work. Please understand that in every beginning of a relationship, despite all the fun, you are to already choose your battles, not allow battles to choose you. 

What does this mean??

Communication of Expectations

The beginning of every relationship is so fun and exciting. Everyday feels like Springtime because you’re in a completely different world. Exploring is fun, questions are edgy and exciting, finding your “deepest” connections are driving that passion truck! And then things get serious and it’s time to talk. From the very beginning, speak and be your truth. Communication is key to creating expectations. So are consistent actions. It’s truly important to talk about who you really are and what expectations you and your “soon to be” significant other have based on the selves. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve told someone from the start that I’m a witch, and the person is totally cool with it because a friend of a friend has a “similar” lifestyle. Months later into a deep relationship the interests are gone and the dude is scared shitless and doesn’t know if he should bring a priest into our relationship. 

Guys or ladies, if your fucking boring and you know it, don’t pretend to be fun. You’ll end up disappointing the person you’re with. Don’t commit yourself to someone fully if you’re not sure that you know YOURSELF as well as the other person completely. It’s tough being in a relationship of empty promises. It’s even worse after discovering that your relationship is unfulfilling because SOMEONE or BOTH PARTIES couldn’t be honest with who they are, what they see themselves doing, and WHY! If you are going to commit to someone, ask yourself why… a lot. Just to make sure you actually like this person.

Do You Vibe Though?

I’m not saying every relationship MUST have a zing, but if you can’t vide with someone, then you’re in for an uphill battle of common goals. To vibe with someone means to connect with them on the planes that you exist in: physical (chemistry), mental (stimulation), emotional (opportunistic), spiritual (do you even exist?) are just some of the main ones. Some people in this world are not spiritual. Are you okay with that? Some people are not emotionally expressive. Are you the same way? Some people are not great in bed. Are you willing to teach them? Vibing is not just about feeling out the inner connection with someone. It’s also about determining whether or not you are adapting to this. Most people do not expect to change for someone once starting a relationship. And if they do change, most of the time, if it is an initial change, and will not last long. KNOW WHOM YOU ARE DATING!

Will They Change?

If you’re patiently waiting for someone to change 1)in order to be in a relationship with them, or 2) in the beginning stages of a relationship… don’t. Run. Don’t look back. And find someone else. People only change if they want to. Sorry guys, being in a relationship is not nearly motivating enough for the common human.

Respect the Hierarchy

Everyone knows that respect is a must in every relationship. If your significant other does not respect you, RUN. If they do, understand the level of respect. Does this person value you as much as you value them on a consistent basis? When you prioritize people in your life, where do you put your partner in your list? Where does this person put you? If you two are not on the same page, it’s not going to be an easy relationship. There might be a lot of give of one end, and not much to take. If you have already figured out where that person puts you, don’t ask why you’re not being treated with the same passion that you provide. You already know. 

Relationships can be like a steady ship out in the sea. The ride can be bumpy, or pretty smooth. Either way, you know you are going to make it to your destination. OR! You can ride a canoe into a couple of storms along the way. Will you make it? That entirely depends on your determination to survive. You want a steady, consistent, on-the-same-page as your intentions kind of mate when forming a relationship; or you might end up losing yourself along the way. Be smart and intuned with their identity. Always ask questions, and make sure your perceptions of one another are always on the same wavelength. Good luck out there, my dear romantics! This is a fickle one for us all.

The Like Minds

Growing up in today’s south has opened my mind to a lot of different outlooks. The most profound one to me is deciding the future as a young millennial. Throughout highschool and college, I did what any scholar did, and worked my ass off for a goal that everyone says is worthwhile. However, I never thought it made sense. I couldn’t see myself have an office job for ten years, no matter the salary. In fact, I couldn’t see myself, anywhere. It’s like every time I envisioned my professional future, I only drew blank cards. I couldn’t see farther than the options everyone offered for my degree, yet I knew there were more. I’ve been feeling very inspired and proud of my generation these last few months as I’ve come to learn that people are making money from modelling, blogging, travelling, taking notes of their lives, writing their thoughts, and creating their own logos for the year like “yolo” “queen” “black lady magic”. I don’t think I’d ever truly be into trends as much as the rest of my generation, but I can say that creativity is of the essence of my dear millennials.

In the south, there’s a lot of tension between millenials and baby boomers today. We millenials are often called lazy with our heads in the clouds. Boomers are often called entitled because millenials don’t have the financial opportunities baby boomers did. The future is a conundrum for all of us because millenials want something greater than industry, but don’t know how to socially fight; baby boomers want power over times that they can no longer progress in. No one seems to care about the generation in between, but I don’t think society minds that. The truth is, it’s not one side against the other. It’s about people being able to stand up for the future we want. My generation wants money and success. But we don’t want office jobs, because we don’t want industry to win. We want to bring back every proud moment in human history and create a grand aesthetic that finally makes sense of what we’ve been lacking for so long… Not discipline. Mental freedom. I want mental freedom. And the key to that is us controlling our state of mind. Some of us have so much on our mind that we don’t have time or energy for things like marriage, children, or picket fences. We like the idea of these things, but not the typical journey along the way. Most of us will work hard for what we want. However millenials will not give themselves up for anything that is only going to suck their being dry. WE don’t want it if we’re going to lose ourselves along the way! We want to rise above it and become better than we were. We want to be healthier, happier, and in control for longer. We want to outlive you Boomers!!! 

Despite the many progressive changes going on, we still have so many flaws, like social media encouraging sex, sex, parties, and more sex, and disguising that as toxic love, and sometimes the only love. Every generation has their own flaws. But changing the path, by changing our minds and coming together is one of many ways to get past these flaws. How many do you see in your generation? And what solutions do you have to offer?

In The Midst of Your Storm

If you’re anything like me, you can foresee bad times ahead like a storm. Yet, when it arrives you’re just as surprised that it’s terrifyingly THUNDERING outside. *Is that a tornado I see?* I like to think that even though we get antsy when things are going so well, patiently awaiting for the next bust, we secretly always anticipate things to be okay, even when they’re not. “It’s going to  turn out okay in the end,” is the world’s most hated quote, because it’s said every time shit goes wrong. Maybe that quote is exactly why we want everything to be fine and dandy.

My point is, state of mind is everything. Perception is reality. That’s why we all have different sides to a story. History is constantly explained through hundreds of books shouting the real (and varying) victors of the worlds we live in. What is the truth? Are bad times in our lives truly bad… or is that how we choose to see it? 

Do you remember those times when you’re running late to work and everything seems to slow you down? The street lights turned red JUST as you made it to the end of the road, and now it’s watching you, mocking you, making you wait TEN minutes as opposed to three. THEN the car in front of you just happens to drive 5 mph UNDER the speed limit in the fastest lane. NOt to mention, you go through unusual traffic! WHAT ARE THE ODDS? WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?

I like to think when situations like that occur, the universe is just trying to tell you to chill out. A calm mind creates a different outlook on the world, and improves your state of mind. Don’t get me wrong; life is still not all that easy. And I’m still pretty suspicious of the amount of road work that goes on when we’re running late. Life is here to test your patience and your clarity just to see how long you can hold it. And that’s a great thing! Because if you are more resilient to the forces that try to push back, they will know you’re not easy to be messed with, and in time, you will become what you’ve worked so hard to be!

In other words, control your state of mind, become resilient of what you no longer want to be, and shape your perception into a stronger, more positive one. The law of attraction is the real deal. You will attract what you give out. You will be tested, and you will conquer. In the end of the day when you feel a storm coming, embrace it. Understand that it is a storm, not the end of your world. You can stay inside and wait it out, or you go outside, dancing naked in its treacherous beauty. As long as you teach yourself that a storm will never destroy you, you will conquer everything in life, even if you haven’t realized it as yet.

Know Thyself

I’ve been on this Earth in this body for a few decades, and I can honestly say that I still don’t know anything, and neither do the people I encounter. The difference between normal people and myself, is that I can admit that I don’t know what the fuck is going on, and I’m not going to pretend like I do. 

Ever since I graduated college, everyone wants to know the same shit: 1. What did I study? 2. Am I going to screw myself into more student loans and get further in my education? And 3. What now? Where am I going? And what is my overall plan?

I’m not a mastermind. I enjoy learning information that crosses my path or peaks my curiosity. However I’ve never had a keen skill in planning my life, unlike some lucky, dreamy bastards in this world. By the way, I’m proud of you lucky bastards for making a path for yourself. I’m more positive than my first paragraphs portray me as. I’m simply tired of not saying what I think.

I’d rather live in a world, where I get to choose my future, no matter how blurry it may be, compared to someone else choosing my success story. When I think about my options in this world, I can’t help but mentally picture myself as a Noni accountant calculating all the possibilities, only to come short on every recalculation. The options I see are not all of the opportunities that are present. One way or another, no matter how many “organic” labels I will choose over others, I’m still scurrying in the same box that I’m trying to get out of.

I hold the words of Bob Marley pretty highly, for many reasons. One, his songs are about love, whether for yourself or  another person, how to gain it, and how it’s been lost. The second (because I won’t go any further than two) is because he is highly misunderstood, thanks to his popular correlation with liberating marijuana in my generation. Fuck the weed politics. Bob Marley sang about mental liberation, which helps people like me find a way to internal as well as outer peace in this lifetime, and I take that message to heart every day. And so, to cure myself of depression caused by an unbalanced work-life schedule, an institution without a promising future, and the asshole customers I deal with on a daily basis, I meditate. 

Step one to knowing yourself: meditate

When life seems busy, pushy, stressful, or just boring, it’s a great idea to take some time to meditate. There are so many kinds of meditation, so yes, there is a right one out there for you. It’s important to come out of a session feeling more refreshed than you did when you started. As simple as that sounds, it’s all too easy to clog up the brain with a bunch of daily bullshit. A moment of clarity can do way more than you would think. 

I typically meditate in the beginning of the day to focus my intentions on the massively vague future I’m optimistic about, and block out a significant amount of garbage that is to cross paths with me. I’m a restaurant manager, which means I’m mostly a garbage woman for human emotions, rather than physical trash. I meditate to dominate those who try to shit on everything they see, typical for a restaurant atmosphere. Then I meditate again after my shift, to release my mind from toxins. Everyone’s mental toxin capacity is different. However most of us are human…or alien..or whatever species exists on this planet. Which means that we’re earth bound– We are thus vulnerable to the toxicity of our own and other beings’ physical…mental…spiritual…GARBAGE.

That being said, clear your mind, and build something new out of the space that you’ve created.

Take Two: Fuck It

After you get in-tuned with a more desireable personal headspace, it’s time to take a good look at yourself and say, “fuck it! I want *BLANK*”. A huge portion of knowing yourself is knowing what you want from yourself. Figure out who you want to be, where you came from, and how you are going to heal and change to get to your dream future identity. Whether you believe destiny drives you, or fate can go fuck itself, you need to know who you are going to be in the end of the day. Figure out your weaknesses and strengths, your standards, your skills (not just the professional ones), you heart wrenching dreams, and what that is going to mean for the YOU that you are creating. Part of the reason why people are limbo of the identity is because they haven’t given themselves solid ground to place significance on themselves. Other reasons can include unforgotten pasts, stress, allowing others to create your identity, and many other factors. Finding yourself, like your purpose, requires work, contemplation, and dedication…to yourself. Being the superhero or antihero to your world is only great if you know that you are it, or are going to become it. The only way to become what you want, is to change what you perceive and do that in every conscious moment. It’s your life! Only you have the potential to value it in a way that shapes your life for the better.

The Mostest!

This may sound silly, but it’s important to believe in something when discovering yourself. From my personal experience, I’ve encountered plenty of people who either have or do not have self value, but have no self image because they see themselves as nothing more than an insignificant floating piece in a galaxy that moves for its own reason. That’s… great and all but…What the FUCK. 

I’m not telling you to jump into the next mosque you see. I’m saying believing in something as little as “I Matter” makes a huge difference! Why? You are acknowledging yourself! Thats a big deal! Believe in something that will make you hungry for better, without overwhelming you, or controlling your mind. Believe in something that you can question, reason with, challenge again, and shape yourself with, because understanding yourself means that you’re not always going to be the same. You’re going to change, and you’re going to figure out why, and whether or not you wanted this. Believe in a brighter day, just to smile every once in a while, so the impending thoughts of the human existential crisis doesn’t turn you into a maniac. There’s a lot in this world that can influence you to feel “insane in membrane”. Your own identity, your being, should not be one of those.